


Afterlife with Yuuri

by Kou (Rietto)



Series: Yuri on Ice study [2]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Gen, M/M, Yuri on Ice Victor POV epi 1-10, abridged ver, love story but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-12-20 04:18:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11913054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rietto/pseuds/Kou
Summary: “BE MY COACH, VICTOR!”Getting to mold his inspiration until he could showcase the best of his ability and get the right to say ‘no, precious, it’s YOU who’re the greatest!’ with a poke to Yuuri’s cute nose? Sign me the fuck up, Victor thought.Unashamedly, months later, Victor would proclaim that moment as the moment love bloomed in his heart.





	Afterlife with Yuuri

There’s a fine line between dream and fantasy.

Victor didn’t know which one it was, to be honest.

The scene in his mind was very domestic. It’s just him talking animatedly and having fun with Yuuri. Just like how he always had fun with Georgi or Chris, really. Or like how Yuuri always seemed to have fun with Phichit. It ended with both of them sleeping on the same bed, cuddled together with Makkachin.

One fine morning, when snow had stopped falling and flowers still clung to the branches, Victor woke up feeling frustrated. Weight of reality souring his usually good mood in the morning.

The details were lost on Victor, as was normal with dreams. He didn’t know whose bed they ended up sleeping on, or what they were talking about really, but still Victor _wanted_.

He sat up with a sigh, combed his hair back with his fingers.

Good dreams could do that sometimes. Showing one about possibilities, of what should be. The contrast so glaring and taunting. So painful.

Makkachin whined when Victor hugged him in frustration, tighter than usual.

In reality, it’d be a miracle if Yuuri could speak to him unprompted, deserving a large order of katsudon in celebration. Maybe the fact that he was not chased away with broom was also a celebratory thing worthy of katsudon. Though he might have to thank Makkachin for that. If he hadn’t brought Makkachin with him, the situation could be very different.

“Uh, yeah, the dog. He stays inside.”

“Oh, thank God. Thank you, Miss Katsuki. I assure you Makkachin will not be a bother.”

“Call me Mari. Everyone in this house, guests included, are used to dogs anyway. And I won’t let poor baby be cold outside in the snow. Isn’t that right, Makkachin? Good boy, good boy… Aaa, _kawaiika_ …”

Piece of heaven, Victor had thought happily before Mari turned to her and declared, “he’s sleeping with me”.

Victor had had to fight her on that.                                                                                                                                          

The fact that he’s given a room was also miraculous. Victor was so grateful. Though the mattress was hard on his back. Victor couldn’t believe it. They didn’t have sofa. He’s so buying new bed, specially if he’s there for the long run.

He checked his phone. According to the site, the new bed was bound to arrive sometime soon that week. Definitely before weekend.

“Katsudon it is!”

He cheered weakly as he stood up, movements eliciting cracking sound from his every joints. Makkachin whined at his feet.

Though Victor supposed eating one in front of Yuuri would be one sure way to piss him off.

Victor felt like doing it anyway.

* * *

So, okay, Victor had known that Yuuri was probably mad at him and he knew that he totally deserved it. Chris had explained it to him so very clearly and thoroughly.

After he saw what happened to Yuuri in All-Japan livestream, he thought that maybe he shouldn’t put too much hope on Yuuri’s offer. That maybe Yuuri wasn’t ready, or maybe even had changed his mind.

Yuuri’s heart was fragile as glass, just like every other skaters. Victor knew that it’d been broken to pieces in Final in Sochi. To be fair, he thought Yuuri was fine then, because in banquet he was so cheerful, but still. One look at Nationals and he knew something was wrong.

That’s why reconsidered, alright? That’s why he decided to wait for Yuuri’s call instead of begging Chris or Yuuri’s friend Phichit for his phone number. Not that he knew Phichit’s phone number, but he’d heard that Mila had become quite close to him since meeting in Skate America couple years prior.

That’s why the requested visa had such wide time-period, because he’d wanted to wait until Yuuri asked him first before taking off, although one video changed everything and Victor planned to prolong it sometime soon.

The truth was, Victor had begged Chris for Yuuri’s phone number. Coming unannounced was simply not ideal in any circumstances unless for a surprise party or intervention, but Chris wouldn’t give him said number. Not that Victor blamed him. Victor wouldn’t like it too if people so easily share his contact information.

Yuuri couldn’t be contacted by anyone since Grand Prix Final. It’s like he’d muted everyone. There’s never notifications about messages not arriving, but there’s never any READ sign either. Obviously, no reply. Chris said that even if he did give Victor Yuuri’s number, he doubt that Yuuri would respond.

But, it was _Stammi Vicino_.

It felt right. It felt like fate.

The love stories he couldn’t imagine started to solidify in his mind.

When he realized it, he was already on the plane straight to Fukuoka.

Impulse control? What’s that? Is it edible?

* * *

You only live once, as the youngsters would say.

* * *

For love? No not really. Love between them was just something that started to wilt as soon as it bloomed.

Yuuri could barely be called Victor’s acquaintance, and it’s not love when they didn’t know each other, right? Infatuation, at best.

Yuuri’s skating was so captivating to watch. So inspiring. Victor was frustrated because not many understood. Not many could tell the extent of things Yuuri could do.

“BE MY COACH, VICTOR!”

Getting to mold his inspiration until he could showcase the best of his ability and get the right to say ‘ _no, precious, it’s YOU who’re the greatest_!’ with a poke to Yuuri’s cute nose? Sign me the fuck up, Victor thought.

He’d said ‘ _yes_ ’ on the spot.

Of course he had.                                                       

It’s _Yuuri_.

He’s unlike the others. Yuuri was expressive and clear, loud in so many different ways. Every performance unique and surprising. Unlike Chris who flaunt mostly his erotic prowess or that unimpressive Canadian who was all technique and pride and nothing else.

Unlike Victor whose stories had become more muddled as years passed.

He’s the one skater Victor was _envious_ of.

Yuri had shrieked. Chris had wolf-whistled. Mila and Sara Crispino had squealed so hard, he was sure wine glasses broke due to their shrill voice. Yuuri gasped and giggled just like kids finding presents under Christmas tree.

His brown eyes so sparkly and wide and captivating.

“You will???”                                             

“Yes. Yes, of course I will. I’ll visit after Worlds.”

The Worlds next year would be in Tokyo. How perfect! How fateful!

Most of their surrounding was struck silence. Chris, bless that sexy man, decided to hold Yuri back, the Junior medalist screaming expletives in two languages. Michele Crispino visibly passed out in one corner, ignored by his twin, who was still squealing with Mila.

“Yaaay!!!! _Banzai_!! Ehehehehehe!”                     

Yuuri apparently decided it’s celebratory enough to rub his face (and groin, Victor felt) again against Victor’s body.

Unashamedly, months later, Victor would proclaim that moment as the moment love bloomed in his heart. A very pleasant surprise forcing the bud to bloom beautifully, making Victor breathless for a moment.

Victor had always loved surprises. He loved being surprised even more than surprising people. And Yuuri, oh so bright Yuuri was beyond anyone’s imagination. He’s out of this world.

So cliché, right? A nerdy quiet boy got drunk, took off his glasses, and turns out he’s not only the cutest boy on earth, he’s also hotter than lava? The timid boy turns out to be a sassy savage? Classic tropes. Perhaps that’s why Victor was smitten. He’d always been a romantic at heart, as commented by so many people.

It could also be the way he moved on the pole.

There couldn’t be better beginning to a love story.          

* * *

Love might not be the main reason, but that didn’t mean Victor wasn’t really in love.

Love was definitely the driving force behind his impulsive decision making.

“Victor, you’re crazy.”

Says the one who chose to curse his lost love before begging her to return through interpretive dancing.

* * *

Can you tell me Yuuri’s phone number, was what Victor had asked Phichit. He thought of Chris first, to be honest, but then again Victor had asked Chris back then on European and Worlds. Yuuri not responding, thus not giving his permission, and thus Chris had refused. Asking again now that Yuuri was right beside him would just be embarrassing.

How stupid of him, isn’t it? To think it to be different if he asked Phichit?

The Thai answered not one minute later with direction to turn to his right and ask Yuuri himself.

> **v-nikiforov** I think youre wrong chris
> 
> **christophe-gc** about what?
> 
> **v-nikiforov** phichit
> 
> **v-nikiforov** you said he’s good with tech
> 
> **christophe-gc** oh yeah
> 
> **christophe-gc** def one of the best why?
> 
> **v-nikiforov** there’s no cctv in hasetsu park
> 
> **v-nikiforov** how did he know that yuuri is with me
> 
> **v-nikiforov** im honestly spooked
> 
> **christophe-gc** to be fair, itd be weirder if yuuri isn’t with you
> 
> **v-nikiforov** how did he know that yuuri is sitting on my right
> 
> **v-nikiforov** I know they still haven’t talked since gpf
> 
> **v-nikiforov** phi told me
> 
> **christophe-gc** oh
> 
> **christophe-gc** esp?

Victor wished he could be sure that his shivering was due to the spring air.

“Fuuuh… yosh.”

Yuuri said before standing up and continuing his work out, running more lap around the park. Makkachin barked and decided to follow Yuuri, always by his side.

Unseen by anyone, Victor hung his head and groaned.

Mark that as another missed opportunity to ask for Yuuri’s number.

Impulse control is so overrated.

* * *

“This is a temple. Uhm, it’s a place to pray…? Well, obviously, uhm…”

Victor asked the how. He’s not really religious, but it’s custom and good manners and most of all fun to do.

“To pray? First, purify ourselves in this well. Okay, uhm, follow what I do, alright? Scoop the water, pour it over your right hand, then your left… then again to rinse your mou- VICTOR DON’T DRINK FROM THE LADLE IT’S NOT SANITARY!”

* * *

“Sorry, sorry… You really shouldn’t though, Victor, and… Oh gods. You drank it didn’t you…? Oh gods, remind me to get some stomach medicine for you later just in case… No, Victor, you’re not supposed to drink the water!”

* * *

“Just a heads up, people say your wish come true and everything, but true purpose of praying is to thank the gods, alright? Also, don’t say anything. They say if you put it to words, the wish won’t come true. Okay, so first, throw some coins in the offering box, then-“

“Ring the bell… bow twice, clap twice, then think of your prayer, and lastly bow once more. That’s it, I think.”

* * *

“… Victor… uhm… are you… going somewhere?”

Victor looked up from his shoes. A miracle had just occurred. He couldn’t quite believe it, but apparently it really happened because Yuuri repeated his question once more. Victor would like to thank every Japanese deity there is and also God.

Victor made a mental note to ask Hiroko for another bowl of katsudon for dinner tomorrow.

“Yeah. I’m thinking of drinking tonight. Want to come along?”

Yuuri was still in training gear, and it made Victor a bit conflicted. He commended Yuuri’s dedication, but to dedicate his every waking moment to training couldn’t be healthy, right? Phichit seemed to be most worried about Yuuri overdoing his weight loss programs too. Victor imagined that a break would be good for Yuuri’s sake.

Also, going with Yuuri in the name of loosening up and socializing sounded like good plan, right? Good premise on getting closer with anyone. Slumber party was still work in progress after all.

“No… I want to run more laps and… I don’t really like alcohol.”

Abort abort. Cancel that katsudon request. Subject YK used ‘ _polite declining’_! It’s super effective!

“I see. Don’t push yourself too hard.”

Victor fought back a frown and tried to smile instead before refocusing on his shoelaces. He didn’t believe it truly, since he doubted someone who didn’t like alcohol would drink bottles of champagne. Though it was Yuuri. It’s not necessarily a lie, since Yuuri was always full of surprise. In Sochi Victor always saw him skating since sun hadn’t risen and turns out it’s just a terrible case of jetlag plus anxiety ridden insomnia.

Maybe Sochi was an exception to so many things related to Yuuri.

That would mean everyday from now on would be filled with surprises, isn’t it? Because everything he thought he knew about Yuuri Katsuki could be wrong, the direct opposite from the truth.

“Are you going to Kachu? I mean, Minako’s place?”

“I plan on going elsewhere, to be honest.”

 “Is it alright? Not many can speak English here.”

“It’ll be fine. Everyone would know _sake_.”

Everyone also knew Yuuri Katsuki. One mention of Yuuri’s name and he’d be brought back to Yuutopia in no time. Little to no risk of getting lost. Endearing, really. In St. Petersburg, most people didn’t know where Victor lived. Not that he’d like for it to change.

Yuuri’s house was sanctuary.

Victor’s place was a bunker.

Still, by the way Yuuri chewed on his lip, he was obviously worried. Makkachin stared, panting audibly next to him.

“Don’t worry, Yuuri! Worse come to worst, Makkachin will find me. He’ll have to if he wants his favorite snack. Isn’t that right, Makkachin?”

The dog barked once as if in agreement.

And right after that, instead of going to Victor’s outstretched hand for a rub in his favorite spot near his ears, he rubbed his head against Yuuri’s legs. Victor glared at him, while Makkachine kept on rubbing with blissed expression.

“… -hone…”

Okay, so maybe the chance of his beloved dog going on search for him if he got lost had gone down a notch.

Traitor!

“… Victor?”

“Hm?”

“Is it alright?”

“What is?”

“… what I asked you…,” Yuuri responded while looking away, as if it pained him to answer.

Crap. Crap crap crap.

It’s your fault, Makkachin. No snacks for you! No more! Not EVER!

 “Sorry, I didn’t catch that. What did you say, Yuuri?”

Despite his glare, Makkachin didn’t seem affected. Not that Victor was still focused on Makkachin. No, Yuuri deserved his undivided attention. Victor apologized to gods and also memelord Phichit Chulanont for forgetting such simple thing.

“Phone number… so I can go get you… if necessary. May I?”

* * *

Victor came back to the temple, did everything right this time and offered a ten thousand yen bill instead of coins.

“Thank you,” he said in every languages he knew.

_Arigatou… spasiba… merci… xie xie…_

“Also, thank you for not giving me stomachache.”

* * *

God oh good gods! The most kind! The most gracious…!

Agape was finished almost immediately after that.

Eros however, Victor still struggled with. Yuuri was the epitome of confidence and passion during the banquet, and the past few days? He’s just so cute and pure. So different than THAT Yuuri. The dissociation made it a bit difficult.

But then again, it’s quite easy to picture Yuuri as the confident tease he was.

“Do you want me to wash your back, Victor?”

He said in the hotspring, buck naked.

How could he survive _that_?!

The priest recommended the waterfall. It was mostly effective.

* * *

 

> **milla-bavicheva** victor, if yuri come to japan too, make sure he brings back some daifuku okay?
> 
> **milla-bavicheva** banana flavored ones
> 
> **milla-bavicheva** phi once recommended it to me and its divine I kid u not
> 
> **milla-bavicheva** HAHAHA HE’S REALLY IN JPN OMG
> 
> **v-nikiforov** is yakov still alive?
> 
> **milla-bavicheva** yeah nothing a bit vodka wont fix he said

If Victor had to say, Yuri Plisetsky’s arrival was like fire.

A destructive force, destroying everything Victor had tried to build, but none would deny that fire was not always bad. Fire could also allow new faster growth to happen.

Also, like fire, he’s not really unexpected. There’s always smoke before fire. Really, Victor knew Yuri’s arrival before the boy himself screamed out his name.

He didn’t know why though. He could guess it’s related to something along the line of, “YOU ASSHOLE GET AWAY FROM THE PIG!”

Ah, puberty.

Also apparently, it’s to demand Victor to fulfil a promise he’d thoughtlessly made few years back. Which, needless to say, had escaped Victor’s mind completely.

Or so he said.

Really, what an amateur. Yuri couldn’t possibly be serious, right? To make a program a lot of consideration is needed. The theme, the message to convey, the music, for starter. After Worlds, Yuri being the angsty teenager that he was mostly stayed away from Victor.

It’s his fault, isn’t it? To think that everything would just be on silver platter?

Who did he think he was?

(Who did he think he was?)

* * *

“To everyone else, you’re just little piglet and kitten!”

* * *

Eros was Yuuri’s and Agape was Yurio’s for the obvious reasons.

No? It’s not obvious? Well…

Mostly because honestly, Yurio needed to chill.

Like, seriously. Everyone said it’s puberty but Victor didn’t remember ever being that angry when he was Yurio’s age. Sure there’s that sudden interest in bondage, but that’s it. Yurio however, was just angry and rude.

That’s number one reason Victor suggested going to the temple and waterfall, honestly.

> **v-nikiforov** so the chance of yakov coming is…
> 
> **milla-bavicheva** none
> 
> **milla-bavicheva** yakov said to take responsibility

Damn it.

He thought it’d be good idea. A competition. It’d be fun, he thought. A chance to give a wake up call for Yurio and also to help Yuuri regain his confidence. Nevermind Nishigori’s questioning glance as if asking in what world does ‘prince’ equals ‘playboy’. Everybody wins! Yakov would be happy too!

The ideation turned out to be too good to be true.

Who was he kidding?

Victor blamed it on Yurio who would often drag Yuuri to train with him to the temple and waterfall.

Shouchuu tasted good.

> **christophe-gc** have you ever considered
> 
> **christophe-gc** food porn?

That’s a good idea, to be honest. Perfect for someone like Yuuri who exclaimed that his source of passion was katsudon. Maybe it’d be good to lay on top of the table and make Yuuri eat katsudon off his body.

Then again, there’re faults in that plan.

> **v-nikiforov** mari would take makka and kick me out
> 
> **v-nikiforov** if I dare do that in yutopia its not sanitary
> 
> **christophe-gc** what do you use in cooking that would be deemed unsanitary?
> 
> **christophe-gc** you pervert what are you thinking?

Victor banged his head to the bar, the ramen sloshed a bit from the force.

The deadline was getting close.

And, to be perfectly honest, Yuuri was still so far away from Eros. Yurio was not perfect, but he’s closer to Agape. Technique wise, they both were more or less on the same level specially since Yurio started teaching Yuuri how to do quad Salchow, but at that point Yuuri was the inferior one.

Technicality… huh… he shouldn’t made that exclamation about not wanting to train anyone in technique just yet.

Well, Victor was never one to care about it much. Technique came naturally to him, so he always envied those who could be immersed in their stories. Yuuri was the best, but as expected, he still hadn’t recovered from Sochi…

“And he has no experience in Eros…”

In passionate love…

Damn it, Yurio, for that kind of person, purification would only make it harder to connect with Eros, isn’t it?!

And it’s hard to be helpful when Yuuri’s idea of passion was katsudon. He did say it’s his comfort food, which he only ate when he won. His reason for skating, maybe. But it’s just too much. TOO MUCH.

He loved katsudon as much as the next person, but there’s a limit on how he could rouse _passion_ just with it. At least without getting naked and made Mama Hiroko serve it on him instead of the usual bowl in front of everyone in Yutopia.

“Good luck,” was what Yurio told him after said mindblowing revelation.

Victor wished he could be unfair in situations like this.

Alas, he just didn’t have it in him.

* * *

Yuuri picked the black costume from Victor’s Junior days.

The one inspired from bondage.

Also, he clung to Victor and said that he’d become the most delicious katsudon ever, as if asking Victor ‘ _eat me_ ’.

As if he knew that Victor considered asking him that very thing just few nights before.

> **christophe-gc** hallelujah

At this point, Victor might had become the priest’s favorite person.

* * *

Yurio must had understood.

Agape was selfless love which requires no compensation. Nothing in return. Not even acknowledgement. Only giving, and nothing else. Not even wishing for being loved in return.

If that’s true, then him wishing for his grandfather’s love a wrong motivation for Agape. Well, in interpretation, there’s no wrong answer, but still it needed a lot of tweaking for the proper feeling to be channeled.

Like Victor, who at some point decided that it’s alright if Yuuri didn’t want him that way, as long as he could see him flourish.

(Even if he had to go, at some point he even thought)

(Even if it took him few bottles of shouchuu and quite some time in the waterfall to be able to mean it)

Meanwhile, Yuuri was starting to tap on it. Passion. Desire. Monopoly. Seduction. To give love instead on being only on the receiving end.

To be selfish. To know the best of one’s self and flaunt it to the weak hearted. To want to hold into something and not let go.

Well, Yuuri had always been lucky, so it must be a strange concept. To initiate things instead of being only on the receiving end. To find the good in oneself and to promote oneself to others in hope of getting favours. He’s close to Phichit but apparently the Thai boy(?) never taught him important things like that.

That’s why thinking up Free song proved to be harder than expected. He’s too used to go with the flow.

Also, classic Yuuri, when pressured and cornered, he chose to run away.

God damn it.

Assurance from Phichit that yes, he had the right to confront Yuuri about skipping practice solved that thankfully quickly though. A talk heart to heart by the beach, about a trauma that Victor never knew about.

Well, he did know about that particular year, but he’d thought it was Phichit’s injury which ruined his programs. Victor never knew about this incident, about this case of breach of privacy which shocked Yuuri to his core.

A hug…

Even among friends, that’s usual, isn’t it? Specially to comfort a distraught one.

It’s not Phichit’s injury exactly, but a hug…?

To be honest, Victor couldn’t understand why Yuuri was hurt. Just understood that the hug _did_ hurt Yuuri, and Yuuri was strong for able to compete despite his pain. He was sure that everyone else thought so too.

No hugging then.

Okay, he could live with that.

Theoretically.

… right?

(Hell no)

“Yuuri, what do you want me to be?”

Reeducation then. Add it to the curriculum. Hugs and hand-holding and maybe kisses too. He _was_ Yuuri’s coach now. Tell him that it’s normal and not at all invasive. It’s as normal as offering to wash one’s back while naked in the hotspring.

Fathers do that, so do brothers. Friends, of course.

Boyfriends too.

“NO NO NO NO NO!!!”

Okay that might had hurt more than expected.

“You’re Victor. I want you to stay as you are…! I just… didn’t want you to see my shortcomings… I’ll make it up with my skating, so…”

“Alright, then I won’t hold back.”

Well, in a way, hand-shaking is hand-holding. It’s a start.

* * *

Minako aside, Nishigori too slung his arm around Yuuri sometimes.

Huh.

The hurdle wasn’t so high, turns out. Victor almost forgot that Yuuri was the one who hugged him first in Onsen on Ice.

Another ten-thousand-yen bill went to the offertory box.

* * *

Still, Yuuri’s problem wasn’t only in letting strangers come and touch him. His problem also extended to how he dealt with his fans. His surroundings…

> **phichit+chu** well
> 
> **phichit+chu** he never had any problem
> 
> **v-nikiforov** he has now

Forget Eros, of seduction, Yuuri needed reeducation on sportsmanship.

To accept compliments and return them out of courtesy… it’s simpler, and yet Yuuri still couldn’t do it properly.

Alright, maybe Victor could overlook how he so clearly say to reporters, ‘ _yes forgive me I may not win this despite being one of the best 6 skaters in the world’_ , but, it’s not fair.

So unfair.

Wasn’t Yuuri mad at him because he thought Victor didn’t know about him? Didn’t think he worth remembering in GP Final Sochi?

Wasn’t that why Yuuri never mentioned the banquet again, as if pretending that the proposition never happened?

So then, Yuuri should know, right? The pain of being ignored. Of THINKING that they’re being ignored.

Okay, so maybe it’s fine if it’s just Victor himself. He deserved that, probably. But the other competitors? The children who blatantly looked up to Yuuri and were so happy just for the chance to skate alongside him? They didn’t deserve that.

Loving one’s self is hard. Loving others is easier.

It’s easier to motivate others rather than to motivate one’s self.

Victor knew that all too well.

It’s easier to help mold Yuuri into something he knew Yuuri could become rather than to continue skating on his own.

For Yuuri too…

It should be easier to recognize others’ strength and goodness than to recognize his own. His anxiety practically made it even harder for him. Alright, Victor got it, really.

But, seriously. Was ‘ _good luck_ ’ too much to ask?

Well, thank goodness he’s a fast learner.

* * *

Yuuri Katsuki was spiteful.

For leaving him after practice time, maybe? Yuuri decided to screw Victor’s orders and used three quads anyway.

 _‘Thanks for leaving and ignoring me AGAIN, you idiot coach_ ’, was loud and clear.

His jumps were _terrible_. His expression was frustrating to watch.

He seemed so confused in the part where it should be depicting Victor’s arrival in Hasetsu, and Victor honestly didn’t know how to take it.

But maybe, forgiveness was on its way.

Yuuri held his hand his way, the other on his heart.

It’s not part of the choreography. Victor didn’t expect to be given tribute like that. It’s… a surprise.

Yuuri seemed out of energy, and he had blood running down from his nose, and he’s just so beautiful and cute with the way he half-bowed and scratched his scalp sheepishly.

‘ _Is it okay?’_

_‘Just come and hug me damn it.’_

Out of spite, Victor evaded him on the last second.

Two could play that game.

* * *

According to the translation, Yuuri seemed to be understanding Eros better with every passing competitions. Hold onto and not let go, he said. Victor couldn’t be more proud.

Still, the tie and suit had got to go.

> **christophe-gc** you lucky bastard

Victor could only smile at the chat from Chris, also from the Russian team and his friends, not bothering to deign them with response. Mila sent him something similar to Chris with a thumb up kaomoji, Georgi complained about the unfairness of things. Yurio just sent expletives.

“Welcome back, Yuuri! You must be tired! Come now, you should go to the hotspring, it will be relaxing! Here, give me your luggage, I’ll sort them out.”

“Uhm… you don’t have to.”

“Oh, I do! How else would I get my hands on your atrocious suits and tie? I already prepared the fire, you know! Hey, Yuuri! Wait, don’t run! It’s for your own good! Yuuri!!”

* * *

> **phichit+chu** you are welcome

Victor glared down at the picture the Thai just sent him. It’s younger Yuuri sleeping against Phichit’s shoulder in the cramped economy seats. Already his resolve was crumbling.

Being with Yuuri in cramped seats. Leaning against Yuuri.

That’s impossible in first class.

Thanks for the enlightenment, he supposed.

“Okay, fine. We can fly economy to Beijing and Moscow. But, I won’t concede for Barcelona. We’re going first class to Final, Yuuri. End of discussion. It’s only appropriate.”

“If I-“

“ _Yuuriiii_ …”

“… sorry.”

“Good that you understand. Alright, now that that’s out of the way, let’s talk summer vacation.”

* * *

Summer vacation.

The thing which is said to save millions from going insane.

Victor loved skating as much as the next guy, but he’s literally going insane from too much of it. Like, twenty years worth of too much. It’s a miracle, really. How he’s still sane. Or maybe not. Just about everyone had called him crazy the past few months.

Not counting that, Chris and Georgi had repeatedly mentioned that he seemed depressed.

So maybe he had gone a bit off his rocker.

He tried to remember the last time he had summer vacation. It was more or less a decade ago, and he spent it all practicing for Grand Prix.

The regret was still gnawing him.

> **v-nikiforov** what are you guys planning for summer vacation?
> 
> **milla-bavicheva** training plans with sara~
> 
> **milla-bavicheva** probably will go clubbing too emil usually goes visit them in summer
> 
> **popovich-g** I have tickets to theatre plays with anya
> 
> **v-nikiforov** I thought you’ve broken up with anya
> 
> **popovich-g** I have
> 
> **milla-bavicheva** uhm
> 
> **milla-bavicheva** I know! yuri can go with you, georgi
> 
> **milla-bavicheva** it’ll be educational
> 
> **yuri_plisetsky** no
> 
> **milla-bavicheva** but yura!
> 
> **milla-bavicheva** it’ll be perfect for your training to be a prima
> 
> **v-nikiforov** !!! prima yurio
> 
> **v-nikiforov** amazing
> 
> **popovich-g** I suppose I can also practice make up on young yuri
> 
> **yuri_plisetsky** hell
> 
> **yuri_plisetsky** fucking
> 
> **yuri_plisetsky** no

Everyone seemed to be having fun. Well, they had competition coming up soon, so obviously they couldn’t abandon skating just like that. But, it’s nice to have a bit fun while they’re at it.

Victor spent his vacations before in the rink and dance studio.

What a waste.

Maybe there’s something he could do in the name of teaching the heart of Eros, seduction, to Yuuri.

> **v-nikiforov** quick question
> 
> **v-nikiforov** what do you first have in mind when I say seduction?
> 
> **christophe-gc** katsudon food play

Victor dropped the phone from surprise.

Across of him, Yuuri was eye-ing the bowl of katsudon Victor was eating with dead-fish eyes and drool running down his chin. Once in a while he’d swallow his saliva audibly.

Victor decided to pity him and chopsticks-fed him a piece of pork. He seemed so cute as he chewed, it’s like he exuded happy aura or something.

> **v-nikiforov** will you ever let that go?
> 
> **christophe-gc** maybe not
> 
> **christophe-gc** you two are adorable
> 
> **v-nikiforov** come on chris
> 
> **v-nikiforov** help me plan a summer vacation
> 
> **christophe-gc** well
> 
> **christophe-gc** beach episode is staple isn’t it?

* * *

“So Yuuri, we’re going to the beach.”

“Oh. Uhm. Okay, I guess.”

“Right. Now, tell me where we can find someplace to skinny dip.”

“… our hotspring?”

Lifetime exposed to nudity had ironically made Yuuri too pure to be seduced. Apparently the blush and nervousness on their first few weeks bathing together was only slight culture shock after 5 years spent in Detroit. He got over it pretty quickly after that.

Victor seriously started to consider teaching him food play.

* * *

Beijing, China.

Yakov told him to not talk to him unless to beg for forgiveness and return to the ice. Georgi said something about not wanting to be a third wheel.

Fair enough. More Yuuri time for him.

Victor made a mental note to offer some more to the temple when he get back.

... get back?

"What's wrong, Victor?"

"Nothing, just wondering what should we have. What do you think about duck blood?"

* * *

One of the first things Phichit warned him in dealing with Yuuri was his tendency to overestimate his calorie intake. Despite his admission, Yuuri usually had little to no appetite when stressed.

During the course of his stay in Hasetsu, Victor had affirmed that it was indeed true. Victor had spotted the pattern. What qualified as stressful time was usually few days before competition, the days when he couldn’t connect with his programs, and the days when he’s failing his jumps. It’s terrible demonic circle dooming Yuuri to unable to showcase the best of his ability.

Which brought them to the day before short program, and Phichit demanded to know their location because he just knew that Yuuri would be refusing food.

“Yuuri? You’re not eating?”

“I don’t want to… eat raw before competition?”

Yuuri answered Phichit’s question unsure, asking back instead as if wanting confirmation that it was indeed an acceptable answer. Victor took a whiff of his alcohol, a bit frustrated himself. Phichit sighed as he sat down, and his smile was almost scary as he pointed down to the boiling dish on their table.

“Yuuri, what is this?”

“Uhm… some kind of… soup?”

“Yes! That’s right. So you can tell!”

“Uhm.”

“So then, Yuuri? In what way does this qualify as raw?”

“… uhm…”

“ _Yuuri_.”

“I’m sorry.”

Yuuri hesitantly scooped a bowl, and Victor felt a bit better. Eating Yuuri meant relaxed Yuuri. Happy Yuuri. Victor loved seeing him eat. Katsudon specially. And he had promised, hadn’t he? To eat a lot of katsudon with Yuuri.

To do that, he’d have to be in Hasetsu, wouldn’t he?

Not a good time, not a good time.

Victor decided to stop himself from thinking by drinking straight from the bottle.

* * *

Chris said he’s not feeling that motivated now that Victor was not in the roster, but he’s not like his coach. He’s not like the other staffs, coaches, and skaters. He never once said that Victor’s decision to coach Yuuri was a terrible one.

Christophe Giacometti stayed kind at heart, just like when he was still Swiss boy from the meadow.

He’s the best, really.

Though he really needed to stop groping people.

“You haven’t done it, have you?”

Chris asked with a smirk. ‘ _It’_ being Yuuri’s very fine ass. Victor looked away to see Phichit approaching them.

“Nope, he hasn’t,” he answered like he would know if Victor had. Which Victor wouldn’t put it past him. There’d be nothing the suspected ESP wouldn’t know.

“Guys, please, mind the children and broken hearted.”

Leo and Guang Hong looked up from their phones, while Georgi seemed softer somehow like he’s pitying him. Meanwhile, the arguably too pure to be considered an adult Yuuri was in the corner with his earphones on, stretching.

“They’ve been following my Insta. They know.”

Victor feared the declining moral of the skating community.

“Alrighty then, I’m off. Ciao Ciao is calling me already. First batter, coming right up~”

Victor looked just as Phichit was about to walk away, his eyes met Yuuri’s and the two best friends smiled at each other. Yuuri smiled so widely and easily, and Phichit grinned in return before giving his supposed best friend a thumb down.

Chris chuckled wistfully when he saw Yuuri giggling and returned the gesture seemingly happily before returning to his stretching.

“Just like old times.”

* * *

Perhaps it had something to do with his anxiety.

Being told that he’s going down, or that everyone else in the whole wide world probably hated him for taking Victor away from the ice even, instead of making him tense and panicky relaxed Yuuri instead.

What’s scarier was the unknown and all that.

Also, Victor only realized it then, but Yuuri’s number one motivation seemed to be spite instead of love that he had set as his theme.

Spite.

He’s giving everyone else middle fingers through his skating, apparently. To those who expected him to fail, to those who were mad at him for making Victor his coach.

_‘Yeah, I did all that. How did you like it, everyone?’_

Victor fell deeper in love.

“Oh yeah, always works with Yuuri. Though… hm… today might be harder on him. Yuuri doesn’t do well with _good_ expectation.”

“… good expectation?”

“Oh, you know. Words like, ‘ _you’ll do great_!’ or ‘ _you have this in the bag_!’ or along the line of that. He’s not good with that. Makes him anxious instead.”

That would explain Regionals, actually.

Yuuri came in later seemingly worse than ever. Bags under his eyes, skin as white as sheets, and he seemed like he’d topple down with just one poke.

Oh boy.

* * *

This wasn’t what Victor planned to happen.

To his credit, he was panicking, and what he did was what people would usually suggest when faced with someone breaking down. The part where he brought Yuuri to less crowded place, he meant. Not the ultimatum he gave him.

“If you miss the podium, I’ll take responsibility and quit as your coach.”

Victor didn’t know what possessed him to say that to Yuuri.

Why couldn’t he just act normal? Just took him to the TV or edge of rink and told him his honest opinion on the other skaters? Work over Yuuri’s programs like he did in regionals?

Victor regretted so many things.

Threatening Yuuri was obviously not a good move. If Phichit or Minako had known, they’d probably kill him and dump his body to the ocean.

“… why… are you saying things like that? Like… you’re testing me?”

He did, didn’t he?

It’s because Yuuri seemed better under pressure the day before that he wanted to try, didn’t he?

If he’s that weak, fragile hearted like everyone else, then…

Maybe if it’s broken, he’d be stronger…?

How could he even think that?

How could he even consider that, after Sochi?

I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry-

“I’m used to be blamed for my own faults. But this time, I’m also representing you, and I’m scared of failing you! At one point I thought that maybe you’d prefer leaving me!”

“There’s no way I’d-“

“I KNOW!”

Anxiety was a bitch, when even if logic won in the battle between fear, your body still wanted to fight or flight anyway.

“… I’m bad with people crying in front of me. I don’t know what to do. Should I just kiss you…?”

“No!”

Because when had a kiss ever give the princesses power? Or the princes or warriors? Useless thing, only worth as a wake up call.

This was a wake up call.

Love? Your feelings worth shit. Actions speak louder. Your tongue sharp as blade could cut even the sturdiest bond.

Victor failed, plain and simple.

“You don’t have to do anything! Don’t say anything! Just believe in me more than I do in myself! Don’t ever leave me!”

Such simple things.

Eros was selfishness. Even if the whole world disapproved, Eros wouldn’t care. Eros would even _flaunt,_ thriving as the whole world burned in flames of envy.

“… I won’t. I’m sorry.”

Faced with angry crowd, Yuuri just danced. The lady who hold onto the playboy despite everyone’s warnings and threats.

Then, what should the playboy do in that situation?

Obvious, isn’t it? Just be the trophy she deserved. Stay quiet and act pretty. Just trust her, never let go, and enjoy the ride.

“I’m sorry.”

He said once more. Yuuri nodded curtly.

“Tissues.”

“Ah, uhm… here, let me-“

“Don’t touch me.”

“… sorry.”

They walked together in silence to the rink, Yuuri avoiding his glance altogether. He kept his eyes down and away from his coaches, didn’t even care to watch where he was going.

_Aah…_

_Is it ending? Already…? Again, just like in Sochi, and once again it’s-_

Yuuri dropped his tissues. Instinctively, Victor reached out to get it.

Then he felt Yuuri’s finger on his whorl.

* * *

What was that?

What’s with Yuuri’s fascination towards his whorl? Did he want to give him diarrhea or something?

Why was he laughing?

Victor didn’t know.

Yuuri started faltering halfway-through, and Victor tried to remember if he’d eaten today. He couldn’t tell. He couldn’t remember. Yuuri came after breakfast time seemingly so tired and he’d forced him to sleep until show time. He knew Yuuri barely slept then, but…

Victor didn’t know.

About Yuuri, about his condition for the day, he didn’t know. About how to help him at his low point, he didn’t know.

It’s the reverse. It’s not Yuuri who should be worried, it’s him.

Victor felt unqualified.

He hadn’t managed to teach Yuuri anything. Moreover, during practice he couldn’t even keep up with him. Yakov was right. Celestino was right. He’s just playing around. Georgi was right, he was crazy. Yurio was right, he should had just leave Yuuri before he dragged him down with him.

And Victor worried.

And Yuuri…

Yuuri was a miracle.

Since the first time Victor saw him, there’s always surprises.

His heart beating so quickly and harshly that Victor felt like puking. It’s just so much, too much…

“Victor…! I did great, right?!”

Yuuri was the best thing that could had happen to him.

All his doubts, so easily, so casually… like it’s nothing. How did he even _know_? Why did he even _care_? Victor didn’t deserve him. He truly didn’t. Maybe he would never feel like he did.

Victor loved him so much it’s unbearable.

“This is the only way I could think of to surprise you more that you’ve surprised me.”

* * *

“I’m sorry.”

“Hmm.”

“I’m really sorry.”

“Yes, yes. I know. Not many can deal with me.”

Yuuri said it simply when Victor undressed him and put on his pajama for him. He’s so out of it he would have slept in his costume and Victor honestly couldn’t let him even if it’s Yuuri. So many fragile rhinestones, also it’s forbidden to fall asleep without erasing one’s make up first.

“… I’m alright now. Thanks to you, actually.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Your face… It was priceless. So cute.”

Yuuri flat out giggled. It was a bit mortifying.

A sadist, Victor thought with a huff as he carefully wiped Yuuri’s face. His eyes were slits, but it may just because he’s not wearing his glasses. When he’s done, Yuuri pulled him and trapped him in his strong hold.

“… don’t leave me,” he said, snuggling to Victor’s chest. Victor just nodded against Yuuri’s hair.

* * *

The question Victor asked himself in Onsen on Ice demanded another answer.

_Who do you think you are?_

Seeing Yuuri in his beautiful suit, silver medal hanging from his neck in the banquet made him felt like worlds apart. Phichit pulled him and Chris for more selfies, and fittingly patrons didn’t bother to spare Victor even a glance.

_Without skating, who do you think you are?_

Victor downed another glass of champagne.

* * *

A prize.

Some monsters in Yuuri’s games could turn into legendary weapon when defeated, blessing the hero with some power ups that they’d soon grow out of anyway. It’s somewhat like that.

The playboy must act accordingly too when the lady went out to defend their love, to burn everything with her teasing smile and cock of hips. You could also put it that way. It wouldn’t do for him to return others’ calls, as if the lady didn’t matter. He was the lady’s belonging now, no one else would do.

Somehow, Victor came to that conclusion.

Why tie yourself down? Won’t you go back to the ice? There are so many better people out there you deserve more than him.

They all said, they all screamed.

Don’t answer don’t answer don’t answer-

He answered.

Yuuri reminded him with a sharp pull of his tie.

“Don’t forget, Victor. The show has already started.”

Somehow _they_ came to that agreement. It’s only on ice, but not really. Unconsciously, he started doing things he never thought he’d enjoy doing even off the ice.

Like preparing Yuuri’s clothes for him.

That’s a lie.

That had the plus side of enabling him to burn all of Yuuri’s less than flattering clothing. Also, who was he kidding, since the beginning he liked to apply Yuuri’s make up for him.

Still, tying up Yuuri’s shoe or skate laces, even in front of the whole world was definitely new. Specially then. With him kneeling and at his mercy, kissing Yuuri’s toe. He was surprised Yuuri even let him and even seemed happy about it.

> **christophe-gc** is it just me or have you become a service sub mon cher?
> 
> **v-nikiforov** yuuri is a sadist
> 
> **christophe-gc** oh yeah I forgot about that

Forgot about that? It’s common knowledge? Why hadn’t anyone told him about it?

* * *

Makkachin whined pitifully and Victor sobbed to his soft fur.

“You scared me. You scared me… don’t do this to me again, please…”

The old poodle licked him in the nose as if in agreement.

* * *

There’s a lot to think about, Victor realized.

So often he opted to drink his worries away, to avoid thinking about it.

About himself, and about Yuuri.

_Who do you think you are?_

It’s as if the universe asked as he watched Yuuri fall on his jumps again.

China, and then Rostelecom. Nothing changed. He still ruined it for Yuuri. Each and everytime it’s him.

Because he worried and doubted and denied in favor of ignoring Yuuri’s needs.

He decided to stop skating, to leave Russia, and still he couldn’t accept himself who had started to associate Hasetsu with the word ‘home’. He couldn’t feel good when he watched Yuuri mingling with skaters and sponsors, being in the center of attention instead of him for once. He still answered to the crowd when he should be ignoring the vicious demand of Yuuri’s blood and shield him.

Victor Nikiforov had died, and still he clung to the world of living.

Victor Nikiforov was a curse.

Yuuri, only Yuuri would ask for him, would accept him despite his flaws. Only Yuuri would give him love and life he didn't deserve.

Don’t leave me, Yuuri had said. Only that, Yuuri only wanted that from the start.

And Victor couldn’t even do that.

Victor thought of quitting. Because he couldn’t bring himself to believe that third time would be the charm, that it’s going to be alright in Barcelona.

He needed to speak to Yuuri, immediately.

Before he brought Yuuri down with him again.

“I’ve been thinking about what I should do as your coach.”

“Me too.”

He’s going to make me stop, Victor thought. After everything, Yuuri would finally admit what a let down he was.

But Yuuri didn’t.

“Please take care of me until the end.”

 _‘Don’t leave_ ,’ Victor heard, once again. Yuuri’s eyes fierce and sure and grounding.

Who do you think you are?

What are you without skating?

It’s the questions which haunted Victor since a long time ago, since he realized that he’d achieved everything he ever wanted and couldn’t answer the simple question of ‘ _what’s next?_ ’. The reason he envied Yuuri and wanted to be close to him since before his love bloomed.

The relief was overwhelming.

“It’s like marriage proposal.”

He’s Yuuri’s.

Victor felt like he could be satisfied with that answer.

* * *

There’s a fine line between dream and fantasy, but also apparently to reality.

Once imagined, anything could come true so easily.

It’s a love driven journey, but it’s not really a love story. It’s more like self-discovering story. Like that movie Eat, Pray, Love, Victor thought. The soul searching he thought he needed.

He remembered dreaming (or fantasizing?) about talking with Yuuri, about anything. Talking and laughing together with Makkachin and ended up sleeping in one bed.

Naturally, it happened after Yuuri got back from Rostelecom. When he realized that once upon a time not too long ago he thought it’d be a miracle if it happens, Victor realized that in summer such things were already normal daily occurrence.

He never realized it.

Even though in the beginning he liked to express his thanks for small things, he’d stopped doing that.

Maybe that’s why Cup of China and Rostelecom had been disastrous.

Maybe it’s punishment for getting too comfortable too soon.

Victor made a mental note to apologize to Yurio. He would have to amend his explanation that god’s love is a fine example of Agape if that’s the case. Or at least admit that wanting acknowledgement is not reason enough to make love selfish.

Third time.

(Regionals don’t count. It’s basically training wheel for them both.)

He must work harder.

“Don’t be such a model coach this late in the game. Take me sightseeing.”

He must watch over Yuuri more carefully.

“You don’t have to put it that way.”

In the end, Yuuri faltered anyway, by the end of the day his state similar to how he was in Cup of China. In retrospect, Victor became worried.

Don’t say anything, just trust him. Just stay by his side and not let go.

Yuuri once told him that, so he did. He just watched as Yuuri struggled on his own, with his beautiful sparkling brown eyes scanning their surrounding for answer.

And the answer he came up with was a surprise. It’s always been a chain of surprise ever since he first met Yuuri.

“… I’ve always wanted a charm… It’s so I can work hard in the Final… Also, as thanks for you until now…”

It’s not something Victor could imagine happen. It’s not something he’d ever considered before.

“I couldn’t think up of anything else… It’s just like a charm, so-“

It’s often recited, isn’t it? Vow said to the god, a promise and assurance to one’s partner.

There couldn’t be anything else that could comfort them both in this kind of partnership.

 _‘Don’t leave’_ , he heard once again. _‘Don’t leave me until death do us apart.’_

“Yes, this is perfect. A charm to ease our worries. So, tomorrow, Yuuri can show me the skate you like best.”

That’s the best shortcut to gold that Victor knew.

* * *

“What do you mean you don’t remember?!”

So yeah, turns out Yuuri didn’t remember the banquet at all. What a plot twist. Well, not that it mattered much, after everything they’ve been through. After the months they spent learning each other and affirming each other’s importance in each other’s lives.

Also, thank you, Chris and Phichit.

“CONGRATULATIONS!! EVERYONE, MY BEST FRIEND IS GETTING MARRIED!!”

Well, admittedly, it was very much a marriage proposal. Even Yuuri couldn’t deny that. Let’s give him a bit reprieve though, Yuuri did say it’s only for Finals.

“This is just engagement ring. We’ll marry with Yuuri’s gold! Right, Yuuri?”

Because, there’s no way Yuuri would get anything else, right?

After Finals, I’ll propose properly.

Victor really believed that he will.

**Author's Note:**

> Trust Yuri to hit where it hurts, right?  
> Victor Nikiforov is dead.  
> The ring is worthless, Yuuri will lose as always anyway.  
> No wonder Victor got mad ahaha. Well, this is like character study for me, and it seriously became darker halfway through?? How did that happen?


End file.
